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jokes of the day:
Get the Pigs Pregnant:
A farmer had 50 female pigs and wanted them all pregnant. His friend told him to screw them himself. If in the morning they were rolling in the hay, they weren't pregnant, but if they were rolling in the mud, they were. The farmer decides this is a good idea, and that night he loads all the pigs into his truck, takes them into the woods, and screws them all.
The next morning, he looks out the window and sees all the pigs rolling in the hay. He's really frustrated, but decides to give it one more shot. So that night he takes all the pigs to the woods and screws them again. The next morning, he looks out the window, and all the pigs are rolling in the hay. He's really tired, but thinks he'll try one more time. That night he takes all the pigs out and screws them yet again.
The next morning, he's too tired to look out the window, so he tells his wife to tell him if the pigs are rolling in the mud or the hay. She goes to the window and tells him he better look for himself. The farmer goes to the window and sees all the pigs in the truck honking the horn and waiting for him.
. . .
Flying Kites:
A guy is outside in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. Every time the kite gets up in the air, it comes crashing down. After this goes on for a while, his wife sticks her head out the front door and yells, "You need more tail."
The guy turns to his son and says, "Son, I never will understand women. I just told her an hour ago I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite!"
. . .
Afraid Of Bees:
A fellow was in the market to buy some acreage. He found just what he was looking for, but it was a little expensive. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that ifonebee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked him if he had been stung.
The city fellow looked up and weakly said, "No, but doesn't that calf have a mother?"
. . .
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